HER.
DATE: 3/8/21 TIME: 9:28pm
WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND/HEART?
Had a video date with Bruno to watch the movie Her. It was interesting storytelling, but I couldn’t help but feel preoccupied.
Was my face too full? Does he actually like me or is he just bored? Is this going anywhere? Will we actually meet?
It’s taken a bit of bravery for me to have these video conversations. I put on the “I’m amazing and wonderful” act until I start to believe it a bit more, but the reality is that I feel like there should be a LOT more certainty here at this stage,
Two months of polite and sporadic conversation on OKC followed by around three weeks of (sometimes) more substantive conversation.
The general rule of thumb is that if you can’t tell whether a man is interested, he’s not. And yet, every time I’m ready to be done with this situation, he does just enough to keep me engaging.
MIND/SPIRIT:
I didn't fully meditate the way I wanted, but I did give myself some time in silence. Also made sure to do my Spanish lesson. If it's going to get better, I need to get a LOT more intensive.
PHYSICAL + MENTAL HEALTH:
My doctor has told me I need to lose 10% of my body weight before the surgery. So as much as I have given myself grace in this pandemic and all the life changes, as well as how much I’ve learned to truly love this body as is, I also need to give myself the best possible chance to have a successful surgery and uncomplicated healing after. So today, I took care of my mind and my body with a nice, long walk. And it felt really good. :)
GRATITUDES:
I’m grateful for the internet.
I’m grateful to know Bruno, even though he’s infuriating.
I’m grateful for the sound of the ocean tonight.
TODAY’S WIN(S):
I showed up even though I felt HELLA self conscious.
TOMORROW’S INTENTION(S):
To do more exercise… I only have until May 11th to lose the needed weight before surgery.
MANIFESTATION:
(Future journaling) - I remember the first time I was in his arms. The way he smelled, how warm he felt. The nuzzling of faces. A kiss on my forehead. I knew I was home. I knew I was loved. I knew we belonged.