mydocujournal

Then a strange thought occurred to me: perhaps all the times I had chosen to fight my irrational tears had caused them to build up inside my body. And soon, there are were so many, they had nowhere else to go.

And so they manifested as tumors that made me bleed profusely. Tumors that made me scared to sit any place publicly for longer than an hour. Tumors that made me afraid of hotel rooms. Tumors that kept from staying with boyfriends overnight.

This thing that owned me would soon be missing.

And, very rationally, it made me cry.

I marveled at how well they worked. Period panties. I bought them in my preparation for moving to Mexico. While I looked down in awe, irrational tears began to flow. Hours earlier, I heard John Mayer’s “Something Missing.”

It hit me unexpectedly: this thing that had caused me so much anxiety—that I felt held captive by—would soon be missing.

I would no longer have a uterus.

There would no longer be a need for sanitary products. I would no longer go to a store and argue with cashiers that my tampons didn’t need to be double bagged—I was not ashamed of the fact that my body was built to reproduce.

I sat in that moment fighting, hard, against those irrational tears because I had a video date a few minutes later. I didn’t want to greet him all puffy-faced and red-eyed.

GRATITUDE:

1. I’m grateful for Clubhouse.

2. I’m grateful to live in Mexico with affordable healthcare

3. I’m grateful for the personal chef.

MANIFESTATION:

(Future Journaling) - I remember the day when the company called to say they loved My Docujournal and wanted to keep me at the helm, help me find a team, and invest whatever I needed financially to develop my app and website platforms. The financial offer was infinitely more than I expected and the joy I felt in knowing that I would be able to choose how, when, and where I work.

I remember the day the perfectly aligned talent agency with a speaker’s bureau called to ask if I would be on their roster for everything from speaking engagements to turning my book into a series. The way they genuinely treat me like the A-List talent I am and push my forward for opportunities is incredible. They’re laying the foundation for it to be an ongoing, long-term partnership and made it clear they intend to listen to me and prioritize what I want.

I remember the day the A-List talent manager sent me an email to ask if I had representation. They had seen much of my work and recognized what I multifaceted creative, creator, and talent I am. They see my Big Picture—everything from 948 to My Docujournal to creating TV and Film projects. They are fully prepared to put me out front as a thought-leader, brilliant creator, bring on a top-tier publicist to lead my forward facing image in the way that earns me the most abundance of income and opportunity to be recognized.

I remember the day my book was picked up by a dream publisher with a dream team and given the budget to prioritize me and my words.

PHYSICAL + MENTAL HEALTH:

I did the bike, squats, and strength training. I did a small meditation.